I knew I was meant to serve as a Pastor because it was NOT what I wanted to do.
It’s true. Being a pastor sounded hard (esp I knew it meant going back to school) and I knew it probably wouldn’t be a comfortable living (work long and odd hours, often on-call and it’s certainly not a plush living). But my sense of call wasn’t out like, “Oo! I want to do that!” It was more, like, “If you say so Lord, I will obey.”
Here’s another brief excerpt from my ordination paper:
Desiring a noble task
The internal sense of the Spirit’s leading me to vocational ministry was not one that is not based on a personal feeling of desire. Actually, I was initially very resistant to the call as much as I was drawn by it. Over the years, as the sense of desire towards vocational ministry became more intense, it became a mixture of desire and fear. What I was drawn to in my heart, I was fearful of in my flesh. I wondered if I could ever measure up to the role of a pastor.
Throughout this season of patient listening, mentors and elders were critical in helping me discern if preparation for vocational ministry was the Lord’s path for me. As I continued to grow in discipleship and serve in different roles in the church, I found a greater sense of peace coming overcoming my anxieties, as the Holy Spirit continued to reveal His will to me a variety of signs.
As I read of the Apostle Paul’s rejoice for what he was suffering for the church, the words sank true in me. I love Christ and that means I love His church. I am compelled to serve her beyond what is comfortable and manageable. I will find a new kind of joy (rejoice) in however I may suffer (the heartbreaks and work load) for her.
I really do find a new kind of joy serving even in the hard seasons of loss and suffering. I do not feel called to pastor because I imagine it to be a comfortable life. I love the Lord and His bride and will serve humbly through whatever seasons may come.
 Colossians 1:24